Three Ideas To Create Small Pauses In Your Day ‘To Step Back From The Brink’

Some of you may have previously read the article I published narrating the story of how, whilst in India, undertaking my 200 hour teacher training, over the course of a few days, I went from total serenity (at least that’s what I thought it was), to having a total melt down in a modern Delhi mall! If you haven’t read it and you’re interested you can find it here.

Having spent 2 months in India getting ‘deep’ in to practice, waking up to the vast expanse and mystery of The Himalayas each day, spending time journalling, surrounded by wonderful teachers, imbibing everything that came my way in the spirit of moving more fully towards peace …. and yet I still couldn’t hold it together buying some clothing in a store :-)

On further investigation though, should I, should we, expect anything different? The reality is that most of the time we ‘practice’ exactly this type of response. The way that our lives tend to be structured mean that bubbles of tension can quickly transform or grow in to torrents of anger, disappointment, jealousy, fear and or anxiety. When hijacked by those intense emotions it becomes extremely difficult to step back and arrest their natural capacity to cause damage to ourselves and of course those that we live our lives alongside.

Allow me to unpack the reference to the ’structure’ of our lives a little more fully, it is multifaceted. Most of us find that we have grown in to a life that naturally disposes us towards managing high pressure situations on a daily basis. Our daily existence is stacked full of responsibilities, expectations of what should and shouldn’t be, aspirations that often cloud our ability to know what is truly right for us and, of course, the way that we absorb society’s view of how we should be living our lives. 

The level of energy required, physically, psychologically, and emotionally, to live in this way is significant. We become so tightly bound in to the momentum of this pattern that in many ways it becomes self perpetuating, even if we are no longer able to answer the why ….why am I living this way is the why. 

Increasingly we become disconnected from the way we are feeling internally at any given moment in time and our minds become absorbed in the externalities, situations and circumstances of life. Rather than having the capacity or experience to recognise a particular negative state arising internally … this could be anything from awareness of the initial stages of anger building or even noticing whether we are hungry or not … the disconnect from ourselves equates to a state of not knowing ourselves on this inside (where it truly matters) and finding that we are then captured by intense emotional states. Once we are there, the damage is already done. Physiologically we are damaged by anger for instance but of course anger damages externally as well.

We can see therefore that the pace and intensity of our outwardly absorbed lives combined with a limited capacity for inner awareness can create a storm of imbalance. We’re not even sure of what balance feels like, where it might exist or how we might navigate in its direction. There is an inner resonance for me as I write this as I spent a significant period of my life in exactly this space. Without having been pulled in to the powerful orbit of yoga I would almost certainly still be raging, angering and hindering myself through life.

What can we do about this, how do we start to adjust course? Hopefully those of you that know me understand that I’m never one to offer a quick fix. The spoiler alert is that there isn’t one. What is possible though is to intentionally invite small changes, over time, in to our existing structures that start to offer us visibility of a new way and an inner feeling that creates a glimmer of hope for something different.

The self perpetuated momentum that arises inwardly from the previously mentioned life structure means we become trapped in the algorithm of fast paced actions and high velocity reactions. If you imagine this plotted on a graph with velocity of life on the y axis and associated tension on the x axis we are rising up in to the higher echelons of the problem space.

We need to harness our capacity for inner awareness more fully (this is the core of yoga practice) and at the same time create moments of detachment that allow us to step back and hold a pause - essentially we need to interrupt the pattern. The practice of becoming more aware, and using that capacity to create space between our awareness and our thoughts (therefore not being governed by them) is known as abhyasa (practice) and vairagya (detachment) in yoga terminology. They are essential ingredients on our journey towards equanimity and peace. They are often referred to as two wings of a bird - both necessary to achieve flight.

Here are three small suggestions that might help support a gradual and sustainable shift in our lives:

1. The Check In - this practice undertaken regularly starts to help build our capacity for inner awareness. Simply stand or sit or lie down, whatever is possible. Start by brining attention to your body, notice the sensations, notice how they feel, try not to judge, simply observe. Don’t try to correct anything, just tune in. Then bring your attention to your breath, same thing. Just notice how the breath feels, place all your attention on it for a few moments, let it tell you how its feeling. Finally watch over your mind and your thoughts. Notice what’s coming up without reactivity. Do this for a couple of minutes. With practice it will inevitably put your more in touch with how you’re feeling on the inside.

   
   

2. Pausing between moments in your day - releasing the momentum and energy of the previous activity. When you finish a meeting, end a call, arrive back home or at your desk, finish cooking, folding, cleaning, arranging take a conscious moment to pause. This might involve sitting in your car for a couple of minutes before you head in, it might mean sitting quietly before you log in to the next Zoom, perhaps it’s sitting down on your couch or favourite chair when you arrive home. Just a minute or two. No talking, not thinking about the next thing you have to do. Just trying to be still and cultivating a feeling of letting go of the previous moment.

   
   

3. Some long slow breaths. Standing, seated or lying. Can be at home, on a bus or tube, at an airport, in your car, in the middle of a field! Just stop what you’re doing, place a hand on your chest and a hand on your belly. Bring your attention to your breath in the chest and the belly. Then try to sip the air in slowly through the nose with a comfortable feeling of expansion within the body. On exhale see if you can release the breath calmly and smoothly.

The challenge is we can’t think our way out of the patterns and momentum we have created within ourselves. We require short, regular and effective practices that help to nudge us in a different direction and that aid us to establish new ways of experiencing ourselves beyond the algorithm. 

Choose one of the suggestions and see if you could can make it part of your daily life, a few times a day for a week - we’ll meet again on the other side!

As always if any of this resonates with you and you feel to share your experience of your own challenges then don’t hesitate to get in touch.